Pick a card
by EleniDalby
Summary: How would Harley Quinn and the Joker have met if Dr Harleen hadn't been his shrink? One shot


Pick a card

"Hey Boss." The thick Brooklyn accent stirred something in the shadows and the crony hoped upon hope that he hadn't disturbed Him...well, if it was possible to disturb something that insane. "there's some broad on TV, she's stealin' your bit boss, she's got a clown costume, cards, calls herself-"

"Harley Quinn...I know, Joey...send some of the boys out after her."

"Sure, boss."

"And Joe?"

"Yeah?"

"I want her alive."

* * *

Reality, or what there was of it, slowly seeped in. Her head throbbed and her vision was blurred but she knew what she'd been drugged with so her mind wasn't too slow. The dull ache at the base of her neck as well as a warm trickle told her that the head wound there wouldn't be permanent and should heal quickly enough. Not that she cared much. A slurred, almost drunken laugh began to crackle through her black painted lips, eerie with it's low pitch.

"Good morning, happy." A lilting voice caught her attention and Harley Quinn's laughter died off. She raised her head slowly, looking across the simple plastic table at the man who was known simply as 'The Joker'. She knew his face, _everyone_ knew his face, the laughing visage was constantly plastered all over the Gotham news channels (and many others world wide) often followed by the brooding features of Batman himself.

"Hi, Mr J." She whispered back, not trusting her voice quite yet, unsure of how hard she'd been hit. Fervently she hoped that the room actually _was_ as dark as it seemed to be…other than her captor she couldn't see anything. "_I want a lawyer… I want a doctor… I want a cheese sandwich"_

The Joker smiled slightly behind his painted grin, tilting his head to one side at the title she'd bestowed on him in her surprisingly high pitched accent. He sat back, at ease and totally in control, and looked at this strange creature in the straight jacket opposite him. White and black make up – once neat and orderly – was smeared across her face, blood flecking her lips and smeared in a vague fist shape on one cheek…she was bruising beneath the paleness already. Her hair, a frizzy blonde mess had burst free of what should have been an absurd jesters hat…complete with bells. She shifted endlessly, her arms moving in the jacket and her feet tapping on the floor to an off beat rhythm.

"It's not nice to steal other people's idea's and bastardize them, Harley-"

"Are you going to tell me that bad girls go to bad places?" There was something in her eyes, something in her voice that made the Joker grin, giggling as she winked at him, her expression never changing. It clearly said 'I don't care what you do to me, it's been done before, old news'. He trailed off, pulling a pencil from his top pocket and flipping it idly between his fingers, watching her as the slim piece of wood twirled.

"Do you wanna see a magic trick, Harley?" He asked, his voice quite jovial. Now she grinned at him in return and for the first time in years Joker felt something tighten in the pit of his belly.

"Do _you_?" She asked, tilting her head to the other side. The jesters hat fell finally, pulling at her hair and landing on the floor with a dull tinkle of silver bells. She didn't even blink.

"I've seen 'em all." He said, surprised that his voice was almost tired.

"I'll show you mine if you show me yours." She challenged quietly. "I'll need a pack of cards and a volunteer from the audience." She smiled at him and again he felt that tightening. He pushed a pack of cards across the deck at her, making her laugh and squirm inside the jacket. "And my volunteer?"

"Hey Joe?" Joker called over his shoulder without looking away from her…he _knew_ what she was doing…he just wanted to know where the story was going to end…part of him was starting to question whether or not he wanted to kill her. Joe seemed to melt out of the shadows, huge and hulking he seemed as he stood beside Harley's petite form. She smiled up at him, batting her lashes.

"You're going to have to shuffle the cards for me, hun, I'm a little _tied up_ at the moment." She laughed and Joe groaned, reaching down to shuffle. Joker watched her as she watched the cronies hands. "K. Now pick a card and show Mr J." She ordered. Joe sighed and turned to Joker slightly, flashing the Queen of Hearts at him. Harley Quinn rose like a wrath, all humor suddenly gone from her face, her now free hands reaching for Joes head.

The Joker watched dispassionately as she bashed the henchman's head to pulp on the edge table, teeth gritted in a snarl and unmindful of the gore that splattered up her neck and face. She didn't stop until Joes dead weight threatened to send him to the floor. Quick as a flash Harley's expression changed, becoming almost astute, she held up one black gloved finger in a gesture of silence, picking through fragments of skull, brains and eyeball delicately with her other hand.

"Was this the card?" She asked quietly, seeming to pull a sliver of cardboard from the debris. The Joker looked at the Queen of Hearts she held before looking up into a broad, black lipped grin and bursting out laughing. He applauded her, wiping an imaginary tear from the corner of his eye and drawing a loaded gun from the back of his belt.

"Tell me, Harley." He said as his laughter wound down, pointing the barrel of the gun straight between her pretty eyes. "Why shouldn't I blow your brains out for that?" She blinked at him, pushing the gun out of the way with one hand and moving with a sensuous snake-like grace to sit in his lap, her arms winding around his neck.

"Because you couldn't stand him anyway."

"Hey Harley?" Joker murmured as their mouths drifted closer.

"Hmm?"

"Pick a card…any card." She smiled at his words, their lips brushing lightly, black smearing against red before the Joker lunged, kissing her brutally hard, splitting her lip even as she bit him hard enough to draw blood, pulling away long enough to growl at him.

"The Joker, I pick the Joker"

A/N: - "_I want a lawyer… I want a doctor… I want a cheese sandwich" -- this is from the cartoon series (I think) it's not mine._


End file.
